Quaker Catholic?

Y'know, many a time I think that Catholics must be nuts. Going to church every morning. Enduring hours long services. Marriages that feel like marathons. The baptism, the hierarchy, the rigid structure. Catholicism always struck me as the army of Christianity. Ya do what you're told, ya follow the rules, ya work hard at it, and it all comes off as a first class operation.

I don't know many Quakers that have crossed over to Catholicism (or vice versa).. My "brand" of Quaker tends to be more liberal. We can do without a message. We can be loosey-goosey and go where the spirit leads us. We're encouraged to read our bibles everyday, but we're going to be okay if you feel the need to skip church every now and then.

This is not to say that I am not drawn in by certain elements. I think a strict structure would keep me on my toes. I'd probably have a few more scriptures memorized, which wouldn't be the worst thing. Besides, if you can survive all those sermons, you'd have any troubles with ADD beaten.

Yesterday, in particular, I was struck with the idea of confession. From where I'm sitting, it is a required version of someone to talk things over with. How could that be a bad thing? They're pastors, they have to forgive ya... right? You would always have someone to talk things over with. Shoot, you'd be encouraged to.

I have friends. I have co-congregants. Still, I'm hard-pressed to think of someone (other than Mom, of course) that I talk to about God-stuff. Yes, everyone has their own walk with God and it is deeply personal. So personal that sometimes people don't want to talk about it. But ya toss that confession in the mix and you get yourself quite the little release.

Doesn't sound like a terrible idea to me. Even if I do prefer being loosey-goosey.

Getting Centered

Howdy,

Sunday was a distraction kind of day. There's someone who has been on my mind, and I'm planning to dress up as Batman this weekend and walk downtown for a few hours. ...it's for work. Honest. I sat in the car for a few minutes, trying to take my mind off of little world things in my life that don't really matter and focus on God.

Went into church, took a seat, closed my eyes, it was starting to work. Well, it didn't help that I work under the Space Needle and they picture they showed was of the Space Needle, but still. Every little ounce of progress counts, right?

Songs were going well. I had a nice voice singing behind me during the first set of songs. I even turned around and complimented her during the awkward-chatting-social time, but she seemed to think it wasn't her; that there was some better voice behind her. (I checked over my shoulder later. It was her. Humble, good for her.)

Of course, during the message, the scripture was being projected onto the screen in front of us, when all of a sudden there was a loud -pop-. In my 6 days a week life, I play with LCD projectors all the time. I thought to myself "They either flipped a breaker, or they popped the bulb." The projector didn't come back to life (which makes it really hard to sing along with songs). And I noticed the red and green lights on the projector were blinking away. That means two things: A, it has power. So no break issue. B, when lights blink that much? It is either a warning or an indicator. No good.

So I spent the rest of service thinking about the bulb and wondering if these folks had any idea what was going on and if I should go up to the pastor and tell him and if the bulb could be replaced by the next service which was only twenty minutes away.... sigh.

At least I got the gist of the message before I was horribly distracted. Thirty-forty minutes being focused just on God... that's something, right?

And as a bonus, I got to stand on two wobbly ladders after the service. Can't say I didn't have fun...

Sleepiness

I'm starting to wonder what my small group thinks of me. I'm a reasonably intelligent person, a lifelong Christian, and I don't smell like a musk ox that found its way into a garbage heap. Now if only I could stay awake.

Here lies the problem. I tend to have a double shift on Fridays, which usually means I'm at work for around eighteen hours. If I have a double on Saturdays as wel, then I'm in a world of sleeping hurt. Sunday is my day to catch up on sleep. After church, I come home, crash, and end up becoming one with the couch. The problem is, when I sleep at two in the afternoon, it makes it much harder for me to be asleep at two in the morning.

Such was the case with me this Monday. I had woken up at two a.m. Nothing more I could do about it, no more sleep was to be had, I was just going to be awake. I arrived at work around five a.m. Worked/ was there until about six p.m. Took a friend for hot chocolate, basically just tried to kill time until my small group at seven thirty p.m. If you have started doing the math, you can get why this is intrinsically difficult for me.

My brain tends to decrease in function around eight or eight thrity at night. I find it essentially useless to try and read. Then try and combine that with the notion of being upright for the last nineteen hours. By the time small group is over, I have usually been awake somewhere around twenty hours. (Using the term "awake" as a sliding scale")

That's all just build-up to this question: Is it worth it?

Usually, yes. Somehow I can sneak in a half hour nap and that carries me through until ten p.m. Or I get a Friday night off. Something. In those moments I find that the conversation is intelligent and God-inspired and I can hopefully add to it. Or it can be like it was last week.

My newest "trick" is to start standing about halfway through the second half of our meeting and just lightly walk back and forth. Hopefully it isn't too distracting; it is the only way I can maintain consciousness. This week I outdid my self. I had the bible on the chair in front of me, I was leaning over to read the bible, and I think for a half a second I nodded off because I felt my vertical stance slipping and I jerked my head awake. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fall asleep whiile standing up?

I would much like an earlier start time, but the morning people of this world, including myself, have to have some disadvantages. I just hope that I'm not disrupting anyone else there and that they understand that I'm trying.

Moral of the story: Naps pay off. Embrace them.

Here's hoping I get points for trying..

Group Hug. Well, at least gather...

I rather like my alone time. My cat tends to provide more than enough interaction for my day to day routine. (Especially when she overeats and get to interact with her meal. Sigh.) However, my churches don't really see it that way.

At my newer church, the pastor gave a sermon on the sacraments, specifically communion. To him, communion is the one thing at church that he will not skip. He can leave out the sermon, the songs can be glossed over, everything is up for grabs if it really needs to be. Except communion. To him, communion is the defining way in which we interact with God, and participate in a physical remembrance of what Jesus did for us. Due to the grand importance of the manner, he feels that we should be sharing that experience. He thinks all experiences should be shared. He won't do private baptisms, private weddings; none of that. He is all about the group/community experience.

And because I'm a wild and crazy guy, (thanks Steve Martin) and because it was the first Sunday of the new year, I figured I should just go to my old church and check in with folks. Talked about my parents coming to town, talked about people and their jobs. Heard about people's sons and general church day to day stuff. Nothing horribly earth-shattering, but I was certainly able to slide right back into that group pretty darn easily.

I like doing things on my own. I spent pretty much all of Monday just being by myself and watching movies. After church on Sunday, I essentially did the same thing. Reading, movies, I like things quiet. (One very strong reason why I can't live in downtown.) It isn't that I plan to stay single all my life and become crazy cat-man who sits on his front porch in his rocking chair yelling at kids as they throw things at his house. (To be fair, although I do have a cat and a rocking chair, I have yet to acquire the front porch. So I'm safe for now.) But I'm all for convenient interaction.

I read my bible on my own. I pray in my head or when I'm alone in the car. I enjoy my bible groups and interaction, sure. But do I make the effort to connect with people around me? Share the church experience? Well, let's just say that I don't always go to the fullest row of seats...

Yeah, "doing church" as a group is something I've sort of dropped out of, if I was ever that good at it in the first place. I often sat on the "youth" pew, but with the exception of the cute girl I had a crush on here or there, I was just as happy to sit with mom (she had candy) or by myself (more leg room).

I guess that means I have to talk to more than two people a week, huh? This is gonna take some work...